Sunday, July 13, 2008

Don't send me packing!

My husband asked me to bundle up some unwanted purchases for mailing back to the store. That's our unspoken deal; he finds good deals on the Internet, I package them up for return.

I took extra care today, filling out the return slips complete with reasons for return ('color is gross,' 'this denim looks stupid') and making copies for our files. I had a devil of a time with the cheap packing tape; I had to slice through it with a razor to get an end to unwind. By the time I was done, I'd taped my scissors shut and lost my fresh cut end twice. The kitchen where I worked was 82 degrees, hot flash city!

My husband strolled in as I was ready to put the return label on the box. He held the flap down as I applied the label, then I pulled my fresh strip of tape across the top. Across the top crookedly, alas, so that only a small portion of the top was secured.

"Oh, let me do that," he exploded impatiently, and he proceeded to expertly apply tape to box without securing his fingers underneath it nor sticking the tape to itself.

I was biting my tongue so as not to note aloud that he should've done the entire job himself when I noticed the return slip sitting on the counter. My husband is not fond of menopause moments, and I am not fond of conflict, so I slipped that errant slip into a drawer with plans to redo the operation later when he left the house in search of a good deal on motor oil.

Part II: A Package Deal

Two menopause moments for the price of one!

As soon as the house was quiet, I hauled the box back on the kitchen counter and expertly slit open the previous tape job. No problems with packing tape this time, I easily picked the cut end free and rolled it smoothly across the flaps. All done quickly, easily, with time to spare before my spouse came home.

I was sitting and reading awhile later when it occurred to me that I had--once again--failed to insert the return slip into the box prior to sealing it shut!


Bear Naked said...

I'm sorry but you really do have me laughing.
This has to be a CLASSIC menopause moment.

Bear((( )))

Wendy said...

Two for the price of one is true! I can't stop laughing. This is really a good one!

Mary Lou said...

Ah, the man who has to "get a good deal" and spend more in finding it and sending it back or taking it back than he should have. Right there with you. This post really made me laugh. I could see it so well in my mind. We've all been there.

Rinkly Rimes said...

You'll hate me!!!! I never had a menopause! Everything just turned off like a tap, no traumas! However, I must say that I've always been a bit unhinged, even from birth, so maybe I had mental symptoms but they weren't noticed!

Thanks for commenting on my poetry.

Reality Man said...

I just reread this. It is an almost painfully raw self-expose by someone who reminds me of my sister, haha. (I have heard that some memoirists--Frey and Sedaris come to mind--embellish "reality" for dramatic and comic effect, but let us pass over that.) So, here are my observations:
1. Although men are not deficient in the bargain-hunting gene, they are deficient in the returning gene, by which I mean they are more than reluctant to return things by any means. Is your husband getting around this by transferring the task to you?
2. There are ways to get a kitchen to be cooler than 82 degrees.
3. It is easy to imagine his impatience at crooked tape not getting the job done. Aim twice, and seal once.
4. Check for enclosures twice, and seal once. (Old saying, you don't have to turn it off if you didn't turn it on, but nothing happens if you don't turn it on.)
5. "What a tangled web we weave/When first we practice to deceive."