A "Cat in the Hat" moment

Honey, I love you, but this is entirely too much of a good thing. 

With some difficulty,
I scooped semi-crystallized honey
with a knife
out of the jar
and onto my yogurt. 

A large glop fell to the floor
as I reached for a spoon
to scrape it off of the knife. 
I swiped at the blob,
then moved to the table
in order to eat. 

A newspaper clung to the drips
on my sleeve,
my shoes made soft sucking noises
as I walked to the sink
'cross honey-streaked floor.
My husband pointed out a
huge gooey dollop on a counter
not even in range of the honey affair.

Melting moments

Have you ever wondered if you can put a styrofoam cup directly on the warming pad of the motel coffeemakers to catch the hot water?  The answer is no!

"For What It's Worth"

My good friend and I lingered over breakfast at a nearby restaurant.  We've known each other since freshman year of college, 43 years!  The best Buffalo Springfield song ever came on overhead, and we both instantly got tears in our eyes.  Time it was, and what a time it was...

I looked smashing!

I slipped back into the house after picking up the paper early one morning.  Catching my reflection in the front hall mirror, I smiled broadly.  Looking good in the half-light of dawn, I thought with satisfaction...

...and closed the front door on my thumb.

Aw shoe-t! Tucking moments on moments

I tried not to stare at my patient's feet as we discussed her medical condition. I couldn't help wondering, however, me being a doctor and all, whether or not there was something wrong with her left foot. Was that an orthopedic old lady shoe styled for grandmas with bunions?

When she settled onto the exam table, she smiled and stretched out her feet. "I couldn't find black socks this morning, so I settled for brown. But I didn't notice that I had two different shoes on 'til I got to the office--I'm hoping everyone assumed I wore this other shoe because my foot hurts."

Later that afternoon, I recounted this story to another like-minded (or no-minded?) old soul. She laughed, then cleared her throat and said with an apologetic smile "Did you know that your sweater is tucked into your pants in the back."

Good lord, couldn't remember just when I'd gone to the restroom, but I hoped that everyone assumed this partial tuck was part of a deliberate look.

Brownie points

...an honorary menopause moment

Text from teen: So when will the brownies take effect?
Text from mom: Well they must already be working because you just texted your mom. I'll be right there to pick you up.

Tablet rasa

Me: What supplements do you take?
Middle-aged woman: Glucosamine...B...er...E...oh yeah D...fish oil...ginkgo...and...um...ohh that other C one.
Me: Do you mean vitamin C?
MAW: (laughing) Yes, that's it!
Me: The gingko's not working.

Hare to hair!

I was shuffling down a leaf-covered sidewalk, enjoying the late afternoon sunshine. The lady of the house was out front raking, her mid-sized mutt clamoring at her heels for a game of fetch. Spying me, he grabbed his small toy, a saliva-soaked bunny, and dropped it at my feet. He was used to the well-aimed flick of an expert wrist, so he raced down the block anticipating the toss. I, in turn, heaved the soggy animal and hit his mistress upside her head.

A neighborly piece of advice?

Five words you do not want to hear from your son while you're out of town whether you're menopausal or not:

Did the neighbors call you?

Baked and befuddled on the Boulevard

I went to a lot of trouble to cross midday traffic on Colorado Blvd. to get to The Great Harvest Bread Company. Cute little bread girl pierced like a pin cushion gives me huge slab of 9-grain bread with butter to eat while I'm waiting for my loaf to go through the slicer. I pay up, leave with bread in hand, savoring my good luck and the fact that I will have something to munch on as I crawl home through northbound traffic.

After slogging through two blocks of brake lights, I start thinking about bread in hand vs. bread in bag...sliced...sitting undisturbed on the Bread Company counter. Beskewered bread girl does not offer me a second slice of bread, nor does she find my "Oops, menopause moment!" comment the least bit funny.