"For What It's Worth"

My good friend and I lingered over breakfast at a nearby restaurant.  We've known each other since freshman year of college, 43 years!  The best Buffalo Springfield song ever came on overhead, and we both instantly got tears in our eyes.  Time it was, and what a time it was...

I looked smashing!

I slipped back into the house after picking up the paper early one morning.  Catching my reflection in the front hall mirror, I smiled broadly.  Looking good in the half-light of dawn, I thought with satisfaction...

...and closed the front door on my thumb.

Aw shoe-t! Tucking moments on moments

I tried not to stare at my patient's feet as we discussed her medical condition. I couldn't help wondering, however, me being a doctor and all, whether or not there was something wrong with her left foot. Was that an orthopedic old lady shoe styled for grandmas with bunions?

When she settled onto the exam table, she smiled and stretched out her feet. "I couldn't find black socks this morning, so I settled for brown. But I didn't notice that I had two different shoes on 'til I got to the office--I'm hoping everyone assumed I wore this other shoe because my foot hurts."

Later that afternoon, I recounted this story to another like-minded (or no-minded?) old soul. She laughed, then cleared her throat and said with an apologetic smile "Did you know that your sweater is tucked into your pants in the back."

Good lord, couldn't remember just when I'd gone to the restroom, but I hoped that everyone assumed this partial tuck was part of a deliberate look.

Brownie points

...an honorary menopause moment

Text from teen: So when will the brownies take effect?
Text from mom: Well they must already be working because you just texted your mom. I'll be right there to pick you up.

Tablet rasa

Me: What supplements do you take?
Middle-aged woman: Glucosamine...B...er...E...oh yeah D...fish oil...ginkgo...and...um...ohh that other C one.
Me: Do you mean vitamin C?
MAW: (laughing) Yes, that's it!
Me: The gingko's not working.

Hare to hair!

I was shuffling down a leaf-covered sidewalk, enjoying the late afternoon sunshine. The lady of the house was out front raking, her mid-sized mutt clamoring at her heels for a game of fetch. Spying me, he grabbed his small toy, a saliva-soaked bunny, and dropped it at my feet. He was used to the well-aimed flick of an expert wrist, so he raced down the block anticipating the toss. I, in turn, heaved the soggy animal and hit his mistress upside her head.

A neighborly piece of advice?

Five words you do not want to hear from your son while you're out of town whether you're menopausal or not:

Did the neighbors call you?

Baked and befuddled on the Boulevard

I went to a lot of trouble to cross midday traffic on Colorado Blvd. to get to The Great Harvest Bread Company. Cute little bread girl pierced like a pin cushion gives me huge slab of 9-grain bread with butter to eat while I'm waiting for my loaf to go through the slicer. I pay up, leave with bread in hand, savoring my good luck and the fact that I will have something to munch on as I crawl home through northbound traffic.

After slogging through two blocks of brake lights, I start thinking about bread in hand vs. bread in bag...sliced...sitting undisturbed on the Bread Company counter. Beskewered bread girl does not offer me a second slice of bread, nor does she find my "Oops, menopause moment!" comment the least bit funny.

Whose moment was this?

My patient and I chatted as I did her Pap test. I always try to carry on a bit of light conversation during this uncomfortable task.

I withdrew the brush, trying, as always, to do so without knocking the tip into the speculum. Who knows what happened next, but the flexible plastic handle bent like a bow, sprung from my fingers. flew through the air like an arrow then bounced off of the wall and onto the floor.

My patient did not miss a beat but continued her story about her college-age son. Could she really not have noticed the brush as it circled above her and landed on the floor next to the exam table? Barely suppressing my urge to burst out laughing, I fumbled for a new brush and repeated the sampling. If my patient was aware of my antics, she was too polite to say.

Making medical decisions in menopause: A workshop

I have a patient who worked as a day trader. You've got to have the metaphorical equivalent of certain male parts to do this kind of work--remaining focused, aggressive, and ruthless in a high stakes, high stress undertaking. She came to me because her world as day trader had fallen apart with the onset of menopause. When the market crashed in early October, 2008, she reported that she'd sat frozen in front of her computer, knowing that she needed to react and regroup yet unable to do anything but watch the debacle.

"You have to understand." she said with uncharacteristic (for her) tears in her eyes, "This was not me."

She proceeded to tell me about other pre-menopausal activities that had been her, namely extreme sports and risky jobs the likes of which I never once considered as options for my cautious self. Yet despite these major changes brought on by diminishing levels of estrogen, her gynecologist declined her request to consider estrogen therapy; she was not, after all, experiencing hot flashes.

One of the best kept secrets about the myriad of changes brought on by menopause is the profound effects that the loss of estrogen has on the brain. There is no doubt that some women do just fine in cognitive and emotional ways through menopause and beyond, but many do not. When my patients report that they are "doing just fine" post-periods, I always ask "How's your mood" and "How's your memory?". Not unusual, then, for me to uncover evidence that, in fact, they are not doing just fine at all.

If you are interested in hearing more about making the complex decisions involved on the road to our 600 month birthdays and beyond, please consider joining me for a menopause workshop on June 5th from 10:30 to noon at my Denver office. Please call 303-393-0300 to register; the non-refundable $20 fee is due at the time you sign-up. You do not need to be my patient to attend. If this topic is of interest to you but June 5th is a no-go, leave your name and number with my staff, and we will contact you with dates later in the summer when I will present the same material.